I'm 21.
wow.

I'm done with camp!


I always have mixed emotions at the end of camp. This was my 13th summer there... I've only missed one summer at camp since I was 6 years old.
HSJacobs Camp in Utica MS. is more my home than any other place I have ever lived... Starkville is moving farther away from "home" and closer to "vacation"... Boston is school. I though that this summer would be my last. And it still might be, but now I am considering making it a beginning instead of an end. I need to talk with my teachers in Boston and my friends in the field... but I am seriously considering pursuing the Assistant Director position at camp... this would mean a three year position directly out of undergrad. I would then reactivate my academic career and go to grad school somewhere.
I have wanted to run camp since I was 6 years old. It's a childhood dream that I might actually be able to make reality. It makes me tear up just thinking about it.


Yesterday a child came out to wonder
Caught a dragonfly inside a jar
Fearful when the sky was full of thunder
And tearful at the falling of a star

chorus:
And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
Were captive on the carousel of time
We cant return we can only look behind
From where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game

Then the child moved ten times round the seasons
Skated over ten clear frozen streams
Words like, when you're older, must appease him
And promises of someday make his dreams

chorus

Sixteen springs and sixteen summers gone now
Cartwheels turn to car wheels 'round the town
And they tell him,
Take your time, it wont be long now
Till you drag your feet to slow the circles down

chorus

So the years spin by and now the boy is twenty
Though his dreams have lost some grandeur coming true
There'll be new dreams, maybe better dreams and plenty
Before the last revolving year is through

chorus

I have been singing that song since i started going to camp. And finally having reached it's conclusion- I feel like I'm at a crossroads in my life. Where to go? What to do? I'm not sure but I do that there'll be new dreams, maybe better dreams and plenty before the last revolving year is through....

I had the most amazing summer ever. First session I had youngest Maskilim (11 yo's) and they were amazing. Second session I had oldest Talmidim (14&15yo's) and they were probably the best cabin I've ever had. I ran the "Performing Arts" program this summer... I wrote their theatre curriculum (7 hours of theatre programming a day) and directed the productions... I worked harder than I've ever worked before during this summer... And it was totally worth it.

---

M.S.

The fears that I’m feeling

Fight hard and fight fast

Much quicker than quickly

They tear off my mask

I begin to dissolve

When there’s no one around

When there’s not a soul

Not a noise not a sound

I begin to begin

To feel nothing at all

Racing a race I can’t win

Trying hard as I can not to fall

Yet I already fell

And feel myself sinking

Deep as I can can can into hell

My mind contains me

The shackles locked tight

I can’t free me from myself

No matter my might

Stay close and stay by me

I need you more than you know

More than I ever could say

Or ever ever could show

I want to run to jump

To fly fly fly free

To breathe every breath

Above land sky and sea

but I am tethered

Tied to the ground

Stuck in this place

Lost rarely found

Dance with me here

Here in my head

It’s all I have left

The invalid said

As I sat in the chair

In the room by the bed

And I became him

And he became me

And sooner than sooner

There was no longer “we”

just the unmoving form

in the hospital gown

the face not a smile

but not quite a frown

not quite an almost

barely but still

life in the eyes

glances until

they too flicker out

and alone in my head

alone alone alone alone

in the too too small bed

in the room with no air

with one final breath

I sing myself silently

Softly slowly to death

---

My M.S. decided to make a comeback during camp... I lost feeling on the lower half of my body... had some random seizing occur in my hands and feet... I lost control of both my legs a couple times for very brief periods... I still have pretty intense residual tingling over my entire body... But I worked through it... and I didn't let it affect my performance at camp. I am now convinced that If I worked through an attack in those conditions that I can work through an attack anywhere.
This disease WILL NOT control me. ...

"to people living with living with living with not dying from disease!"
~rent

---

I am back from camp.
I am in Starkville!!!!
I want to see everyone before I leave for Boston...
I'm leaving on the 23rd...
call me, facebook me- do something~
I love you.

I'm leaving. I'm leaving to arrive. I'm arriving to leave.
don't ya love how that works?

I'm Done.
I'm a junior. I passed my promotional bringing in 15 completed pieces... last year I only brought in 9 complete pieces. I got very positive comments back from the faculty- they seem to think i'd be good at writing for musical theatre... who knows why.

I have a had many successful performances since the last time I posted. My lyricist came back from Ireland and we started planning the musical in ernest. I am starting a new music ensemble with a friend of mine named Liza who is a masters comp student. She and I will run this ensemble as a method of presenting new music by ourselves and our peers - peers in age and in musical philosophy. It is the music equivalent of starting your own business- eventually our musicians will all be paid and our concerts will charge admission. Right now we are trying to decide on a name.... we want something dealing with uniqueness - think like alien.
any suggestions?

I am healthy...


No romance--- though my wife on facebook and I have started spending more time together... she is really cute and sweet and talented... and jewish. it could work. but not till next year. This summer I am FREE! That means fun in abundance... with whomever I please~ Jew Camp here I come!  Speaking of jew camp...

:

I will be flying home tomorrow and will up and about on Thursday (party thursday night? maybe at my house- i won't have any family home... we could have a pool drink fun thing at my place... or not- suggestions welcome) I will be leaving starkville for a conference in NY late may... I can't remember the exact dates... but then I'll be back like June 1st or 2nd... then I leave for Jew camp on the 5th or 6th...
~

I met Philip Setzer and he asked for my music... I love living at a place where famous talented people just are.
http://www.emersonquartet.com/

~
I love all of you.
I can't wait to be home.
I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait. ok. maybe I can wait one more day. But that's it.


I am living in a single in the NEC dorms next year. 4th floor baby. Come visit me. It'll be awesome.
~
I am a PAL next year for the Conservatory... that means that all the incoming freshmen composers are mine. ALL MINE... mwahhahahhahahaha....
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anyways.
make sure that you call me or email me or facebook me or that i do the same.
make sure i know you want to see me. comment and tell me. I want to see you.
I promise!
I love you.
mwah!

~me